A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize