from now on my penis is your penis
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
