Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
