ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
