You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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