I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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