Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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