fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
