Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
