We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
