hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
