apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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