Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
