so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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