you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
