i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This house was built for laser tag.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
