stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
