The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
