She is in my trunk
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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