totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
