I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
