this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
