tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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