dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My penis needs a shock collar
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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