Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
