I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
