I want to walk on stilts...naked
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
