I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
