U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
