the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
