she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
