I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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