I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
