So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
