I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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