Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
MIDGETS
????
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
