i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
