I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize