At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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