I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
