So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
