I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
