I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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