There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
