Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
