Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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