dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
