That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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