I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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