the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
