If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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