Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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