And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
