Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
