end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
