I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
