No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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