i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
