chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
