I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize