You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
