It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
