There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
