I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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