Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
