Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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