dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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