why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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