sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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