she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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