i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
