fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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