you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
