I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize